


Hazards in the Workplace

by nephiliminality



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Gen, Post-Apocalypse, Post-Canon, Short One Shot, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-18
Updated: 2020-02-18
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:55:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22779811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nephiliminality/pseuds/nephiliminality
Summary: Heaven is obviously holding an inquiry into the failure of Armageddon, and it has some recommendations. Heaven is not very good at IT.
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Gabriel & Michael (Good Omens)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 62





	Hazards in the Workplace

From: Gabriel  
To: Heavenly-Host-DG  
Subject: MEMO: Long-term use of bodies

Colleagues,

The inquiry into the failure of the Armageddon phase of the Great Plan (report attached) has picked up some potentially concerning possibilities regarding the long-term use of human corporations on Earth. Since the conclusion of the Earth project is now on indefinite hiatus, I am introducing new guidance on corporation use.

Henceforth, no Angel may use a human corporation continuously for more than five (5) centuries. It is advised that all Angels discontinue use of said corporations when not actively on Earth duties.

Regards,  
Gabriel

<Attachment: GP-AP-LessonsLearned-InterimReport.pdf>

* * *

From: Gabriel  
To: Archangels-DG  
Subject: Long-term use of bodies

Colleagues,

I've notified the Host as advised. HR are annoyed that we treated this as a disciplinary rather than an Occupational Health matter, but they accept that we acted based on the information available at the time, and what's done is done. Since in practice most trips to Earth last days at most, the problem seems unlikely to reoccur.

Regards,  
Gabriel

* * *

From: Michael  
To: Archangels-DG  
Subject: RE: Long-term use of bodies

Gabriel,

Is there a summary of the issue available? Bit busy with the new project.

Regards,  
Michael

* * *

From: Gabriel  
To: Michael  
Subject: RE: Long-term use of bodies

Michael,

There's no summary other than the one in the report, which is for Heaven-wide consumption and hence quite vague.

Between the two of us, it looks like Aziraphale got unreasonably attached to human form, started engaging in human activities and making human acquaintances outside of the job. The inquiry team are speculating that spending too long incorporated can warp the user's perspective, causing them to think of their corporation as their actual body rather than a telepresence tool. They're also speculating that too much interaction with humans on human timescales can cause the user to start thinking of them as real people rather than rapidly iterating prototypes. It's a scary prospect.

Gabriel

* * *

From: Michael  
To: Gabriel  
Subject: RE: Long-term use of bodies

That does sound believable. When we confronted him over the demonic association issue, Sandalphon had to pacify him physically, and he acted like it *hurt*. Very worrying.

Michael

* * *

From: Gabriel  
To: Michael  
Subject: RE: Long-term use of bodies

Indeed. I've seen him acting 'out of breath' too. An angel, out of breath? I shudder to think what else he's been up to.

Gabriel

* * *

From: Aziraphale <principality-aziraphale-4004[AT]gmai...  
To: A.J. Crowley <crowley[AT]ajcrowley.me.u...  
Subject: News from Above

Dearest,

It appears that my former superiors have forgotten to disable my divine mail account. Would you like an illicit copy of Heaven's report on Armageddon?

Reading between the lines, they're really quite worried that spending too much time on Earth is bad for Angelic health, causing us to get too sensorially integrated into our corporations. They're using my bibliophilia and dining habits as evidence. Hopefully that means they'll be less inclined to pay us any visits.

Love,  
Aziraphale

<Attachment: GP-AP-LessonsLearned-InterimReport.pdf>

* * *

From: A.J. Crowley <crowley[AT]ajcrowley.me.u...  
To: Aziraphale <principality-aziraphale-4004[AT]gmai...  
Subject: RE: News from Above

Ha. Wait til they find out we can get drunk.  
Crowley

* * *

From: Beelzebub  
To: Legions-Of-Hell-DG  
Subject: MEMO: Long-term use of bodies

Minions,

It has emerged that the traitor Crowley probably went off his rocker because of using a human corporation for too long in one go. No demon doing their job properly should be able to avoid discorporation long enough for that to happen. Stop slacking or there will be Consequences.

Regards,  
Beelzebub

**Author's Note:**

> Comments welcome and appreciated, either here or on [Tumblr](https://nephiliminality.tumblr.com/) :)
> 
> Now that I think about it, five months later, I probably got the idea of doing an email chain fic from "Adventures In Attempting To Purchase A Book From That Weird Old Soho Bookshop, A. Z. Fell & Co." by Quandtuniverse ([link](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19315309)), which is based on forum posts. If you liked this and for some reason haven't already read that, you should!


End file.
